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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's life
 
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William Shunn
shunn
07 November 2007 @ 10:14 am
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's life  
Utah writer Christopher Bigelow, in the course of answering the "Four Things" meme, cops to coveting my lifestyle—but then again, not really:

I'm a little envious of his lifestyle of living in big cities like New York and Chicago, not having any kids, letting go of the Mormon rope, doing lots of traveling and drinking, and getting deeply involved in a writing community.... But I suppose I got all that worldliness out of my system as a young adult—well, most of it, anyway—and I'm sure the path I'm on now will lead to more long-term happiness than his....  [full post]
While I suppose I'm flattered in a way, I'm more than a little disturbed by the implication that there's greater long-term happiness to be derived from a traditional and religious nuclear family than from my little family. It's possible that Chris means my lifestyle would not ultimately be satisfying to him, which would be a perfectly fair thing to say, but the way the statement is phrased makes it sound like the objective possibility of satisfaction obtaining from my choices in life is on the slim side.

It probably goes without saying, though I will say it anyway, that I do not covet Chris's lifestyle. I trust he won't be offended when I say that, because I don't intend to offend. I mean only that some of the things he values most are simply not what interest me in life, and I have good reason to suspect that playing patriarch to a Mormon nuclear family would render me dangerously miserable. I'm certain enough that I'm on the path of greatest happiness for Bill Shunn that I feel no compulsion to make major course corrections at this point in my life. Comparing levels of happiness with someone else is pretty much a pointless game.

Of course, what Chris mentions (lightly) coveting about my lifestyle are really just the trappings. He doesn't mention the two things that are most important to me, which are surely two of the things he cares about most: devotion to a loving spouse, and the writing itself. On that score I doubt we're so different.

So please go ahead and be happy with your life, Chris, and I'll be happy with mine.


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the sentimental curmudgeon[info]curmudgeon on November 7th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
Word.
William Shunn: It's All About the Pentiums[info]shunn on November 7th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
Double true.
Asphalt Eden: honest abe[info]asphalteden on November 7th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
I suppose the most obvious question for me is how does one simply jettison "worldliness"? Is that not the kind of thing you either are or are not? And once you are "worldly' (whatever that even means) what do you have to do to rid yourself of that worldliness? Become an ascetic and try to ignore what you've learned? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Also, I admire your restraint in absorbing the whole "long-term happiness" issue. It smacks of people with kids looking at those who haven't got them, patronizingly assuring us that "we'll never 'get' it, poor dears."
William Shunn: A Little Too Much Fun[info]shunn on November 7th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
Admittedly, while I've never met him in person, Chris strikes me as about as worldly as a faithful Mormon can get.

You know, any restraint I have is hard-won. My first impulse is always still to open fire with a Gatling gun, but that only invites return mortar fire. Boy, can I show you the shrapnel holes in my old computers.
PixelFish[info]pixelfish on November 7th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
Asphaltden: In my experience, the word "worldliness" was tossed around a lot by LDS folk without regard for connotation or consistency. Mormons would use it regularly and interchangeably to mean "things of the world" or "excessive interest in tangibles or status" or "everything not Mormon" or "everything I don't approve of, even if it has nothing to do with real worldliness whatsoever". Once I left the church behind, the word disappeared into the musty back reaches of my vocabulary.

(It's at times like this that I'm sharply recalled to the strange lingo of the faithful. I still speak the language enough to tranlate, I guess, but man, it seems more alien and less natural than it used to.)

(PS. This has been my personal experience with the word and has nothing to do with how Chris Bigelow may or may not be using it. I don't know him.)
Asphalt Eden: laughing gas[info]asphalteden on November 7th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
Coca-Cola has never before appeared so exotic.
Jacob Haller[info]jwgh on November 7th, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
To me it reads a bit like sour grapes, or (to put it less negatively) as an attempt to focus on why he's made the choices he made rather than following a path more like yours. ('Sour grapes' sticks with me, though.) It reminds me a bit of the Louvin brothers song 'The Christian Life', which I feel expresses a certain measure of longing.

I suppose that in a way anyone who believes in heaven (and that he or she is on the path to it) is going to look on a less "godly" lifestyle as being a bit short-sighted (although I don't think that's actually where he's coming from in his blog entry).
harper valley hypocrite[info]thatames on November 7th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
I've had a few experiences where friends from either back home (slightly-rural Missouri) or who have moved out to more rural/suburban areas as I moved to Los Angeles tell me such things. I'm always insulted when anyone insinuates that much of what I love about my life is something they've already grown out of. I've also never understood why someone thinks the one way they've gone with their life is the one way everyone should go. Like you mention about being the patriarch of a Mormon nuclear family, I would be in my own personal hell if I was living in rural somewhere being a stay-at-home mom while some dude supported me, but that's not to say I think anyone doing that is onto the wrong idea. That would just be the wrong idea for me.
the raw nerve's private zone[info]roadnotes on November 7th, 2007 10:42 pm (UTC)
Comparing levels of happiness with someone else is pretty much a pointless game.

Yes.
(Anonymous) on November 8th, 2007 04:01 am (UTC)
Ummm...
OK, so I'm having a bit of a midlife crisis. I openly admit it. Just wait till you turn 40, young man. (I hit 41 last month.)

You certainly spent more time on your responses than I did on my original thingy, which I certainly would have worded differently if I'd thought to think and to remember that people actually may read my blog or have Google alerts set to their name (which I do too). Once I was even ruder than this vis-a-vis Neil LaBute, and he read it and called me on it, and we're not buddies anymore, to my regret. Now I'll NEVER bring him back into the church... KIDDING.

Thanks for being so nice about my piddle on your rug! (Seriously, I'm not being sarcastic.) Of course I have to use Mormonspeak and Mormonthink to justify my current position in life and to diffuse the very real temptation of a life more like yours, which I'm already way too deep to ever pursue without catastrophic upheaval. And yes, I do see it as a temptation--for me. At the same time, part of me admires your courage.

To me, you are essentially a rather fascinating literary character who I know only through what I've read and listened to. Our backgrounds are remarkably similar, so it's all too easy for me to imagine yours as the other road I could have taken. Thanks for reminding me that you're human too, even if you've yet to prove your corporeal reality to me (came close, once...).

Now, I'm waiting for a meaty post on whether or not you miss New York.

Chris Bigelow
William Shunn: Manhattan Dawn[info]shunn on November 8th, 2007 05:24 pm (UTC)
Re: Ummm...
Dude, I'm already 40!
John Remy[info]fierymind on November 8th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC)
After shaking off the religious worldview, it's amazing to see how many other prejudices linger. In the past six months or so we've started trying to undo a decade or more of "traditional family"-type expectations we've placed on our children. We tell them on occasion that we're fine if they choose our lifestyle, marriage to a same-sex partner, or a life with no marriage at all.

At any rate, I'm happy with your life. *grin* Seriously, though, I love the path you've chosen, and I hope to follow in your big city SF author shoes, if perhaps a decade or so behind.
William Shunn: Camel and Pyramids[info]shunn on November 8th, 2007 05:25 pm (UTC)
I'll try to mark the trail clearly! ;-)
Utah writer Christopher Bigelow, in the course of answering the "Four Things" meme, cops to coveting my lifestyle—but then again, not really:

I'm a little envious of his lifestyle of living in big cities like New York and Chicago, not having any kids, letting go of the Mormon rope, doing lots of traveling and drinking, and getting deeply involved in a writing community.... But I suppose I got all that worldliness out of my system as a young adult—well, most of it, anyway—and I'm sure the path I'm on now will lead to more long-term happiness than his....  [full post]
While I suppose I'm flattered in a way, I'm more than a little disturbed by the implication that there's greater long-term happiness to be derived from a traditional and religious nuclear family than from my little family. It's possible that Chris means my lifestyle would not ultimately be satisfying to him, which would be a perfectly fair thing to say, but the way the statement is phrased makes it sound like the objective possibility of satisfaction obtaining from my choices in life is on the slim side.

It probably goes without saying, though I will say it anyway, that I do not covet Chris's lifestyle. I trust he won't be offended when I say that, because I don't intend to offend. I mean only that some of the things he values most are simply not what interest me in life, and I have good reason to suspect that playing patriarch to a Mormon nuclear family would render me dangerously miserable. I'm certain enough that I'm on the path of greatest happiness for Bill Shunn that I feel no compulsion to make major course corrections at this point in my life. Comparing levels of happiness with someone else is pretty much a pointless game.

Of course, what Chris mentions (lightly) coveting about my lifestyle are really just the trappings. He doesn't mention the two things that are most important to me, which are surely two of the things he cares about most: devotion to a loving spouse, and the writing itself. On that score I doubt we're so different.

So please go ahead and be happy with your life, Chris, and I'll be happy with mine.


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